February Numbers

#38 girls (last month 39)
#29 boys (last month 30)
#13 siblings (last month 14)

While there hasn't been much news in the way of referrals since the beginning of the year, there was a fair amount of Ethiopia adoption related news. A team of delegates from various Ethiopian government offices traveled to the US in January to visit each agency working in ET. It seems they were confirming which agencies are reputable and weeding out others. Soon after the delegates returned to Ethiopia, several Ethiopia programs closed or are now losing their license. We are glad though not surprised that AGCI is an agency that has been relicensed. AGCI is making changes of its own, announcing earlier this month that it will only accept families adopting children aged 3 years old and older. They will no longer accept new families into the Ethiopia program who are adopting infants. (This does not effect families like ours who are already waiting.) Other agencies made similar changes last year.

And here we are, still a family waiting to adopt an infant from Ethiopia. We know the issues around infant adoption and we know there are babies in Ethiopia who legitimately need families. We are moving forward trusting that we are partnering with people in Ethiopia and in the US who are working hard to do the right thing, putting child welfare ahead of all other considerations. 

And things are looking up for referrals. We unofficially know of some referrals this week. I wonder if we may be near a turning point?? For a little fun, here's a video that Bear has been watching a lot of in the past 2 days. A video made by Suzanne, one of the waiting mamas, with her daughter, one of the waiting big sisters. Thank you girls for making us laugh!

Cabin Fever

It can be rough being a boy who is 3-1/2 in the winter...

With a lot of work to do,

Funny hats to wear,

Distant memories of running through grass...

Bear's ready for some Spring!

(And so is mama)

Phylonoe

These are pictures of a very old marble grave stone. It's about 2,000 years old actually. From the 4th century BC, it was found in Psychiko Greece. It's one in a collection of grave steles at the National Archaelogical Museum in Athens, which Dodd and I visited in December.

"A woman who died in childbirth looks sorrowfully at her baby, held by another woman as it reaches for its dead mother."

"The name of the dead woman, Phylonoe, is recorded in the epigram carved on the epistyle."

Seeing this as we wandered through the museum stopped me in my tracks. I was stunned realizing what it depicted. The moment of separation between mother and child. The very moment of loss. 

The ancient story this grave stone told felt personal. The mother's expression.The shared sorrow between the three characters. I took photos through my tears. That baby's outstretched arm. It broke the dam.

After it's initial personal impact, the grave stele validated something that seems to need validation. Most of the statuary in the museum paid homage to great warriors, great athletes, great gods, great leaders. This one honored a woman who died in childbirth. An unfortunate reality in the 4th century BC, and an all too common reality still in the 21st century. Phylonoe was given more importance than many of the women who die in childbirth today receive. Seeing another woman play a role worthy of immortalizing on a grave stone also hit home. And perhaps most validating, seeing a child's loss acknowledged.

I found myself taking comfort in this massive piece of marble. A strange consolation that comes from seeing a loss recognized and in knowing a specific sorrow is shared through thousands of years.

Too beautiful not to share.

Saturday morning at the breakfast table

January Numbers

#39 girls (last month 42)
#30 boys (last month 31)
#14 siblings (last month 14)

Here's a Bear story for the month of January. 

He had a big meltdown getting ready for school last week. It started when he wanted to stack Curious George books rather than put them away and get dressed. A normal little protest that usually ends with him doing the right thing without too much redirection. But on this morning, something tripped his trigger.

He wailed. Lungs open wide, mouth open wider, he was in a full throttle tantrum. Then he went limp when I tried to get him dressed. Just floppy enough that I couldn't get legs into pants, arms into shirt. The shea butter I just lathered on him was smearing on the rug and on my fresh from the dry cleaner work pants. We were running late. I had to be at work early for a meeting.

I lost my cool. I picked him up in one arm, carried him sideways to the bathroom, plopped him roughly on his stool and began brushing the heck out of his teeth. I was not being a grown up. The wailing was even louder now in the bathroom. Mad hot tears were wetting the bathroom counter. It wasn't going well.  

I regained some sensibility at the end of teeth brushing and calmed down. I was more gentle as I massaged cream into his curls and combed his hair.

Then out of nowhere, he stopped crying.  He went from full blast to nothing, like he pushed an internal stop button. He just pulled himself out of his tantrum. He looked at me through the mirror without much expression. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

When his hair was done and it was time to go, he turned around and put his arms around my neck. He looked in my eyes and said earnestly, "I'm sorry momma. I was acting like a baby." 

I was speechless. All at once I felt 1) ashamed that my three year old was behaving more maturely than I was, 2) disbelief, did I really hear those words right, and 3) so completely impressed at his self control and ability to reason. I also wanted to apologize to him for my behavior but didn't want to take away from this big moment that was his.

So I told him I was very proud of how he got himself together and acknowledged that it's not easy to do. We had a big hug. 

I thought we were done, but he had more to say. 

"It won't happen again. I will listen today. I will take re-spon-sa-bib-atee."

Oh my word. This child is something else. He is three! He has a steadiness and ability to rise above his circumstances that I am only starting to understand. I couldn't be prouder of him that morning. Our boy is growing up.

December Numbers

#42 girls (last month 44)
#31 boys (last month 33)
#14 siblings (last month 16)

December was dizzy crazy! I realized how tired I felt late one snowy night in a hotel in Michigan, on a business trip, right before Christmas. I was responding to a steady stream of work email about the upcoming acquisition, stuffing Christmas cards, making a grocery list for Christmas dinner, and making a packing list for Dodd's and my anniversary trip to Greece the day after Christmas. Oh my gosh, did Dodd and I really go to Greece? Just the two of us? I think we did. Crazy wonderful life.

A HUGE shout out to Grandma and Grandpa Miller for holding down the fort. We would not have been able to do this without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! There is a little person with a snowball in his hand and race cars in his pocket waiting for you to come back.

November Numbers

#44 girls (last month 47)
#33 boys (last month 36)
#16 siblings (last month 17)

Slow but steady. We had a fantastic Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's. I will post photos but need to find my phone adapter. Snowing in Wisconsin today!