We are very excited to share some family news. We've begun a third adoption! This time we are adopting from Haiti! Are you surprised? So are we! This was not our plan. We did not pursue this, but feel it's pursued us. To explain the third adoption, here are some updates on the first and second adoptions.
First adoption. In April I hired a searcher to find Bear's birth family. I did this with a group of families with children who come from the same region of Ethiopia. In May, he found them. We now have some answers to questions that we have wondered since Bear's referral. I am deeply grateful to have made contact, and finally pass along the message that he is a happy, healthy, cherished son. The need to communicate this to her is something that has literally burned on my heart since he was placed in my arms. I treasure the bits and pieces of his early story that we learned. We have not decided how we will share the information or the photos with Bear, but we know we have them when he is ready. In a strange way, making contact with his birth mother released a sense of undone-ness I've had about Ethiopia. I know she is alright, and she knows he is alright. We've established a plan for periodic, ongoing communication. There is a freedom in this and a little bit of closure.
Second adoption. We received May numbers but I never posted them. May was a month of emotional processing for Dodd and for me. At the same time that I was searching for Bear's family, there was discouraging news coming from our agency about the Ethiopia program. As a result of complicated dynamics in Ethiopia, our agency closed the program to new families, discontinued the wait list, laid off several employees in the US, and just yesterday we learned that the director of the Ethiopia program, Almaz, whom we respect and one of the most important factors in our decision to adopt from Hannah's Hope again, has chosen to leave. They are preparing wait list families for a 3-4 year wait. The longer wait is being attributed to troubling issues aground in Ethiopia. For the first time I was hearing official word, not just speculation, that there are more families looking to adopt infants than there are infants to adopt. While we long with all our hearts for another child, we don't want to contribute to a supply and demand situation involving children. This does not mean there aren't infants in Ethiopia who legitimately need families, but there are fewer who are adoptable and "paper ready." We have been wondering for some time where this leaves us. With Bear's 4th birthday approaching, our desire to bring home a next child has intensified knowing that Bear is growing up without a sibling, and the gap between him and baby brother/baby sister is widening.
Third adoption. Last year our agency contacted us about a pilot program they were beginning in Haiti. Days after contacting us however, Haiti closed down adoptions and AGCI decided not to continue conversations with prospective families until they knew the status of the program. In April, they contacted us again to let us know the program was active again and they have waiting children. I called to find out more. I did this casually, knowing that we are grafted to Ethiopia. We've lived and breathed Ethiopia for the past 5 years and feel a strong sense of calling to bring home a brother or sister who shares Bear's heritage. But the dynamics I described above have been making us question whether we should open ourselves up to a new direction.
Reflecting now, Ethiopia has been a bridge to Haiti for our family. We have felt a distant connection to the country since Bear came home. He had been home less than two weeks when the 2010 earthquake struck the island. After being in Ethiopia just a few weeks earlier, holding our son finally, and seeing with our own eyes the devastation inflicted by poverty, we were very sensitive to the stories of children orphaned by the earthquake. At home, we were asked so many times by strangers we met at the store, at church, etc. if Bear was from Haiti. My OBGYN, originally from Haiti, spent months in country after the earthquake, caring for pregnant women and infants. She told me hard hard stories of mothers who had given up hope. She talked to me about adopting from Haiti at the time, but we had a brand new baby at home and could not. We made a small donation to an orphanage in Haiti that our Ethiopia travel friends, the Andersens, had a connection to. Since then, we've received updates a few times a year from the orphanage with photos of Haiti and all the children. Every once in a while, I've shared an update with Dodd, especially when a particular little face would get to me. Then one of us would ask the other, "What about Haiti?"
But we knew adopting from Haiti was not something either of us felt hardy enough for. In Haiti, it takes 1-3 years after referral to bring a child home. The years of waiting for Bear, before ever seeing his face, left me pretty fragile. The 3 months of waiting to bring him home after seeing his face were very difficult. The thought of waiting for a child years after knowing him or her seemed almost intolerable. In that time, your child is growing up in an orphanage or foster home. No parent wants this for their child, especially adoptive parents who have learned how critical attachment is in the first 36 months of life. However, as time has passed, I have grown stronger. And as Bear has gone from infant, to toddler, to little boy, I feel more confident in our parenting abilities. We are better educated and better equipped to parent a child coming from a difficult situation. We also learned about Rivers of Hope, AGCI's partner in country. Story after story about the exceptional love and care the children receive, and a woman who runs the home who reminds us a lot of Almaz, whose passion and professionalism we respect so much.
On a call, the AGCI case manager confirmed what I already knew. They are having a hard time finding interested families who meet Haiti's requirements for all the children they have at Rivers of Hope. The requirements are that both parents are at least 35 years old (hate to admit that we more than qualify), have been married at least 10 years (going on 17 should suffice), and have no biological children in the home (got that covered). Although dispensations are commonly given for families with bio children, it appears we have an ideal family profile. (I'm sure that makes some of the people who know us well laugh out loud.)
The case manager also explained that there is no wait list. AGCI cannot pre-refer a child, but they won't accept a new family into the program if there is not a child already at Rivers of Hope who can be referred to that family. Then we heard there are two infants in particular who could be waiting for some time before finding families. I could hardly choke words out of my mouth to respond to this new information on the phone call. While we are waiting in line for an undetermined amount of time for a child in Ethiopia where there are tons of loving families ready to adopt, there are two babies in Haiti waiting and not enough families who meet the requirements to be their parents. But we meet the requirements. Could we really walk away? I was compelled but knew Dodd would never be comfortable with the 1-3 years. We didn't talk about it after the call. However, unbeknownst to me, he was processing. And unbeknownst to Dodd, I was researching my heart out, thanks to some fantastic resources other Ethiopia travel friends, the Boyces, referred me to. It was a week later, when I came home from a business trip, that I asked him what he was thinking. His response floored me. "I'm thinking we should do it!" All I could say was "Really?" And he responded with a steady, gravity filled "Yes!" Then in Dodd's typical way, he gave me several, well thought out, really sound reasons that we should. Then, he quietly left the room. He came back with tears in his eyes and showed me a picture that he'd spent a lot of time looking at while I was gone. It was a baby boy at Rivers of Hope. Dodd went to the agency's website while I was away and this little one got him. My husband who does not make emotional decisions, fell in love. To roughly paraphrase Nelson Mandela, the head and the heart are a formidable combination. I knew at that moment that we were in, and we weren't going back.
So it is with excitement that we begin a third journey to a child. This time it really feels like we are being called to a child. We won't know anything about him (or her) for several months, but we know he's there, and he's waiting. I can emotionally feel his presence out there! We are encouraged that Bear can start his relationship soon with his baby brother/baby sister, albeit a long distance relationship. We plan to take advantage of the waiting time by traveling as often as the budget will allow to visit. We are also mentally preparing ourselves for the ups and downs, frustrations and unknowns that come with being in a pilot program. And we aren't giving up on Ethiopia. We are keeping our Ethiopian adoption active and using the waiting time to see what reforms and changes occur in the coming months and years. I have been working like crazy to get a third dossier and home study completed and have all but one document ready to go. I hope to have dossier and home study submitted, translated and ready to send to Haiti in September. Knowing there is a specific little one waiting provides a lot of motivation to move fast!
If you've read this far, thank you. If you are one of the handful of people praying us through the last few months, thank you. Especially to my sister, Mary Beth, thank you for all your prayers! We feel really good about this, and have had several little affirmations for the decision since we made it. We view this as answered prayer. I am going to attempt to share a lot of details about the process as we go just in case there are others who may be considering??
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
April Numbers
#34 girls
#25 boys
#13 siblings
We would love to see more referrals. Bear has scissors ready. :)
Sunday, April 14, 2013
March Numbers
When we went on the wait list this time around, Bear wasn't quite 2. He was still too little to understand what was going on. Now here we are, almost 2 years later. He is 3, going on 4, and I realized it's time to include him more directly in the waiting. Not too long ago, he and I spent a really sweet afternoon making countdown chains. One for baby brother, and one for baby sister. We still need to make one for siblings but we ran out of time and energy. Made me really feel how much further we have to go on the lists. It took a long time to make the chains! All that cutting, taping, and stickering. It was good to use up a lot of old scrapbooking supplies. He was so focused, and really got into chain making and counting. Once the chains were done, we made a special trip to Target and he got to pick out his very first pair of scissors. QUITE exciting. He gets to cut a link from the chain each time we learn of a referral. I'm excited to get him excited about referral news and pray together for the family that was just matched. Here are the two chains, hanging on the mantel near the kitchen table.
Our new way of marking time. When we made the chains, we were #37 on the girls list, #28 on the boys list, and #13 on the siblings list. Below, Bear is attempting to show you that the chain is much longer than he is. With any luck, he'll keep growing and the chain will keep shrinking. I pray the chains shrink faster than he grows. He's growing way too fast by the way. His size 11 feet are looking huge.
For some perspective, my friend Molly remembered that when we went on the waitlist for Bear, in June of 2009, our first number was #12! (I love you Molly for remembering that!) I'm a little embarrassed to admit I was disappointed with our number back then. I had hoped we would be #8! Some nerve. :) We've been waiting almost 2 years to get to where we started the first time. Ethiopian adoption has changed, especially with our agency. But we've learned to trust in the timing. I have more to share on trust later.
Cold, windy, rainy Spring here. Can't wait to put winter coats away and see some flowers. Bring on Spring!
Our new way of marking time. When we made the chains, we were #37 on the girls list, #28 on the boys list, and #13 on the siblings list. Below, Bear is attempting to show you that the chain is much longer than he is. With any luck, he'll keep growing and the chain will keep shrinking. I pray the chains shrink faster than he grows. He's growing way too fast by the way. His size 11 feet are looking huge.
Today we cut the first links from the chain. (No referrals today, we're just getting caught up.)
Getting scissors ready. It's all about the tools.
Cutting!
And new numbers are, drumroll please...
#35 girls
#27 boys
#12 siblings
For some perspective, my friend Molly remembered that when we went on the waitlist for Bear, in June of 2009, our first number was #12! (I love you Molly for remembering that!) I'm a little embarrassed to admit I was disappointed with our number back then. I had hoped we would be #8! Some nerve. :) We've been waiting almost 2 years to get to where we started the first time. Ethiopian adoption has changed, especially with our agency. But we've learned to trust in the timing. I have more to share on trust later.
Cold, windy, rainy Spring here. Can't wait to put winter coats away and see some flowers. Bring on Spring!
Friday, March 8, 2013
February Numbers
#38 girls (last month 39)
#29 boys (last month 30)
#13 siblings (last month 14)
While there hasn't been much news in the way of referrals since the beginning of the year, there was a fair amount of Ethiopia adoption related news. A team of delegates from various Ethiopian government offices traveled to the US in January to visit each agency working in ET. It seems they were confirming which agencies are reputable and weeding out others. Soon after the delegates returned to Ethiopia, several Ethiopia programs closed or are now losing their license. We are glad though not surprised that AGCI is an agency that has been relicensed. AGCI is making changes of its own, announcing earlier this month that it will only accept families adopting children aged 3 years old and older. They will no longer accept new families into the Ethiopia program who are adopting infants. (This does not effect families like ours who are already waiting.) Other agencies made similar changes last year.
And here we are, still a family waiting to adopt an infant from Ethiopia. We know the issues around infant adoption and we know there are babies in Ethiopia who legitimately need families. We are moving forward trusting that we are partnering with people in Ethiopia and in the US who are working hard to do the right thing, putting child welfare ahead of all other considerations.
And things are looking up for referrals. We unofficially know of some referrals this week. I wonder if we may be near a turning point?? For a little fun, here's a video that Bear has been watching a lot of in the past 2 days. A video made by Suzanne, one of the waiting mamas, with her daughter, one of the waiting big sisters. Thank you girls for making us laugh!
#29 boys (last month 30)
#13 siblings (last month 14)
While there hasn't been much news in the way of referrals since the beginning of the year, there was a fair amount of Ethiopia adoption related news. A team of delegates from various Ethiopian government offices traveled to the US in January to visit each agency working in ET. It seems they were confirming which agencies are reputable and weeding out others. Soon after the delegates returned to Ethiopia, several Ethiopia programs closed or are now losing their license. We are glad though not surprised that AGCI is an agency that has been relicensed. AGCI is making changes of its own, announcing earlier this month that it will only accept families adopting children aged 3 years old and older. They will no longer accept new families into the Ethiopia program who are adopting infants. (This does not effect families like ours who are already waiting.) Other agencies made similar changes last year.
And here we are, still a family waiting to adopt an infant from Ethiopia. We know the issues around infant adoption and we know there are babies in Ethiopia who legitimately need families. We are moving forward trusting that we are partnering with people in Ethiopia and in the US who are working hard to do the right thing, putting child welfare ahead of all other considerations.
And things are looking up for referrals. We unofficially know of some referrals this week. I wonder if we may be near a turning point?? For a little fun, here's a video that Bear has been watching a lot of in the past 2 days. A video made by Suzanne, one of the waiting mamas, with her daughter, one of the waiting big sisters. Thank you girls for making us laugh!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Cabin Fever
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