Phylonoe

These are pictures of a very old marble grave stone. It's about 2,000 years old actually. From the 4th century BC, it was found in Psychiko Greece. It's one in a collection of grave steles at the National Archaelogical Museum in Athens, which Dodd and I visited in December.

"A woman who died in childbirth looks sorrowfully at her baby, held by another woman as it reaches for its dead mother."

"The name of the dead woman, Phylonoe, is recorded in the epigram carved on the epistyle."

Seeing this as we wandered through the museum stopped me in my tracks. I was stunned realizing what it depicted. The moment of separation between mother and child. The very moment of loss. 

The ancient story this grave stone told felt personal. The mother's expression.The shared sorrow between the three characters. I took photos through my tears. That baby's outstretched arm. It broke the dam.

After it's initial personal impact, the grave stele validated something that seems to need validation. Most of the statuary in the museum paid homage to great warriors, great athletes, great gods, great leaders. This one honored a woman who died in childbirth. An unfortunate reality in the 4th century BC, and an all too common reality still in the 21st century. Phylonoe was given more importance than many of the women who die in childbirth today receive. Seeing another woman play a role worthy of immortalizing on a grave stone also hit home. And perhaps most validating, seeing a child's loss acknowledged.

I found myself taking comfort in this massive piece of marble. A strange consolation that comes from seeing a loss recognized and in knowing a specific sorrow is shared through thousands of years.

Too beautiful not to share.

Saturday morning at the breakfast table

January Numbers

#39 girls (last month 42)
#30 boys (last month 31)
#14 siblings (last month 14)

Here's a Bear story for the month of January. 

He had a big meltdown getting ready for school last week. It started when he wanted to stack Curious George books rather than put them away and get dressed. A normal little protest that usually ends with him doing the right thing without too much redirection. But on this morning, something tripped his trigger.

He wailed. Lungs open wide, mouth open wider, he was in a full throttle tantrum. Then he went limp when I tried to get him dressed. Just floppy enough that I couldn't get legs into pants, arms into shirt. The shea butter I just lathered on him was smearing on the rug and on my fresh from the dry cleaner work pants. We were running late. I had to be at work early for a meeting.

I lost my cool. I picked him up in one arm, carried him sideways to the bathroom, plopped him roughly on his stool and began brushing the heck out of his teeth. I was not being a grown up. The wailing was even louder now in the bathroom. Mad hot tears were wetting the bathroom counter. It wasn't going well.  

I regained some sensibility at the end of teeth brushing and calmed down. I was more gentle as I massaged cream into his curls and combed his hair.

Then out of nowhere, he stopped crying.  He went from full blast to nothing, like he pushed an internal stop button. He just pulled himself out of his tantrum. He looked at me through the mirror without much expression. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

When his hair was done and it was time to go, he turned around and put his arms around my neck. He looked in my eyes and said earnestly, "I'm sorry momma. I was acting like a baby." 

I was speechless. All at once I felt 1) ashamed that my three year old was behaving more maturely than I was, 2) disbelief, did I really hear those words right, and 3) so completely impressed at his self control and ability to reason. I also wanted to apologize to him for my behavior but didn't want to take away from this big moment that was his.

So I told him I was very proud of how he got himself together and acknowledged that it's not easy to do. We had a big hug. 

I thought we were done, but he had more to say. 

"It won't happen again. I will listen today. I will take re-spon-sa-bib-atee."

Oh my word. This child is something else. He is three! He has a steadiness and ability to rise above his circumstances that I am only starting to understand. I couldn't be prouder of him that morning. Our boy is growing up.

December Numbers

#42 girls (last month 44)
#31 boys (last month 33)
#14 siblings (last month 16)

December was dizzy crazy! I realized how tired I felt late one snowy night in a hotel in Michigan, on a business trip, right before Christmas. I was responding to a steady stream of work email about the upcoming acquisition, stuffing Christmas cards, making a grocery list for Christmas dinner, and making a packing list for Dodd's and my anniversary trip to Greece the day after Christmas. Oh my gosh, did Dodd and I really go to Greece? Just the two of us? I think we did. Crazy wonderful life.

A HUGE shout out to Grandma and Grandpa Miller for holding down the fort. We would not have been able to do this without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! There is a little person with a snowball in his hand and race cars in his pocket waiting for you to come back.

November Numbers

#44 girls (last month 47)
#33 boys (last month 36)
#16 siblings (last month 17)

Slow but steady. We had a fantastic Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's. I will post photos but need to find my phone adapter. Snowing in Wisconsin today!

October Numbers and Fall Photos

#47 girls (last month 48)
#36 boys (no change)
#17 siblings (last month 15) 

Sigh, these have been some slow referral months. There's not much news, not much to say about it, just waiting. I guess that's about it for this month's adoption update. [NOTE: Since I initially wrote this, there has been news of at least 5 referrals!]

So, besides chronicling the steps to our next child, this blog is also serves as the most reliable journal I keep. After a good reminder from other blogging moms, I finally printed all the blog posts from 2011 into a book. I have one now for 2009, 2010, and 2011. Seeing 2011 in print and recognizing how inadequately I journaled the events of that year, I am feeling some motivation to finish out 2012 a little bit better. 2012 is going to be a very skinny book if I don't do something about it soon.

So, a few fall highlights of Milfammilwaukee.

First field trip. Bear's been talking about moving to the Giraffe room at school with much anticipation for a few months now. Being a Giraffe is big deal in his words because 1) Giraffes don't wear diapers, and 2) Giraffes ride on a school bus to take field trips! This September, Bear and his friends took their very first field trip to the pumpkin patch. I don't know what was more thrilling, getting on the school bus, riding on the school bus, bouncing on the school bus, yelling on the school bus, or the pumpkin patch. It was also my first time being a parent chaperon. Whoa. My senses were exhausted after the 2 hour excursion with 100 swirling kids. I don't know how teachers do it! But the kids (and the parents) had a lot of fun. They learned about migrating animals, fed goats and llamas, ran through the corn maze, took a hayride, and last and perhaps least, picked their pumpkins from the patch. Bear's highlights were 1) riding a school bus, (hope I'm conveying how huge this was) 2) petting a snake, and 3) a raucous hay throw with friends and teachers. I think the pumpkin was just a nice take home bonus.

Visit from The Uncles. My sister is one of the most beautiful, lovely, fashionable, feminine women I know. Which makes it especially cute to me that Bear calls her Uncle. "Uncle B" to be precise. We were lucky to have a quick visit from Uncle B and Uncle Kevin in October. It allowed for another (muddy) trip to the pumpkin patch and corn maze, and the Great Pumpkin Carve of 2012. We also got to celebrate Uncle B's birthday. I LOVE how thoroughly loved Bear is by the Uncles.

New job. Dodd has had a lot of work life the past 3 years, not as much family life. He's been trying hard to get to a place that will allow more balance. He started in a new position this October that I think may finally get him there. We've seen more of him in the past few weeks than we've seen in a while. It's good to see Dada having fun again.

Halloween. Bear has a one track mind these days. Race cars. [Thanks to a birthday gift from grandma and grandpa, I have had the pleasure of watching Cars 2 more times than I can count in the past 3 months.] So when I asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween, it was not surprising that he said "a race car!" I thought it would be fun to make the costume together but he did not like anything I came up with because it wasn't McQueen. However, he changed his mind when he saw the fire fighter jacket hanging next to the McQueen costume at Goodwill. So dressed as a fire fighter, he trick or treated his way through my workplace again this year. The kids came away with obscene amounts of candy. I am pleasantly surprised that he lost interest in the candy just a couple days later. Unfortunately I only got 1 photo of him in costume. 

Election. We talked about the election a lot. Bear even hung with me through a couple of the debates. He loved hearing NPR talk about Mitt Romney and President Obama on our morning drives to school/work. [Side note, when Bear was a baby, I felt guilty for listening to NPR in the car, feeling like I should be talking to my baby. But it was and still is, my only source for news as any reading and TV has gone by the wayside. However, when he broke out singing the NPR theme song with a big smile on his face as a toddler, I realized it was a positive thing. Now, if I turn it off while we drive, he asks me to turn the news back on.] It's important to us to teach Bear to respect leaders regardless of their views. We speak respectfully of both candidates. After hearing Obama in a debate, he said "Mama, he's a gooood talker!" After hearing Paul Ryan in the VP debate, he said "I like Paul Ryan, he's a good guy." He asked at least once a day when we were going to vote. When election day finally came, I asked him if he knew who we were going to vote for? He replied, "President O-Bomney!" I guess we are raising a moderate.

First day as a Giraffe

Hanging out with Dad and a chocolate milk at the historic grist mill

Mom, we're on a SCHOOL BUS!

Hay throw!

The Giraffes - how do you get14 three year olds in one photo?

Hanging out with Uncle B and Kevin. There were a few jokes about the donkey.

MUD makes a corn maze exciting to a 3 year old!

Happy Birthday Uncle B!

Bear's first presidential election.

I was so proud of how brave he was.

And now we march on into November. Wow, where has the year gone? Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

September Numbers and Half The Sky Tonight!

48 girls (last month 49)
36 boys (last month 36) 
15 siblings (last month 15) 


There is a documentary airing on PBS tonight and tomorrow night that's too good and too important not to share. If you have been overwhelmed and hurt by the things happening to women and children on this planet, watch this! It will help you get smarter about the realities facing women and girls around the world AND it will motivate and inspire you. If you don't know what I'm talking about, definitely watch this! It will be worth your time.