We're In IBESR!

While we were on Thanksgiving vacation with Dodd's parents, I received an email from our caseworker, Kate, letting us know that we are officially in IBESR! We entered on 11/26 and have a case number. For those following timelines, it took about 5 weeks for our dossier to be legalized in Haiti before it went back to IBESR. It feels great to be official and made for a thankful Thanksgiving!

Dodd and I sure thought 2013 was going to be the year that we met our next child. With 2.5 years on the wait list in Ethiopia, never did we think we might be waiting another 2-3 years from now.

Then when we signed up for Haiti this summer, we thought a referral would come quickly, and all of the waiting would come on the back end after referral. I didn't fully appreciate all the sub-steps required to get to this point after the Haiti dossier left our hands…translation, authentication US, authentication Haitian consulate, transit time to Haiti, receive at IBESR, contact attorney, legalization in Haiti.

I also did not fully understand what was happening with IBESR. IBESR is Haiti's department of social services. In adoption, it's role is like MOWA's in Ethiopia. There was very little activity in IBESR, especially over the summer, as laws and processes were being rewritten. This created a backlog. There are at least 500 family dossiers waiting for IBESR approval, and at least as many children waiting whose cases need to be re-approved under the new process. In the old process, families and children were pre-matched by an agency or creche, then IBESR would approve the match once they approved the dossier. This allowed referrals to made soon after a dossier was complete in the US. The new process does not allow for pre-matching. IBESR does the matching now after the child's and the family's dossiers have been approved by them. To my knowledge, there are no new process families like ours (not pre-matched) who have been approved by IBESR.

So we know a referral will probably not come this year. But when I think about the actual words we prayed, we asked that 2013 would be the year we saw the face of our next child.

And that means it's very likely our prayer has been answered.

That's because the face of our next child can probably be found in the beautiful collection of faces below. These are the children at Rivers of Hope who have not been matched with families. Dodd and I look at these faces so many times a day. Our Internet history will show the truth about how many trips we take to this website. It's nothing short of surreal to look on these faces and know that one is going to be ours! But Which One?

Seeing these faces has also given us the chance to pray for all of these kids and we are also sponsoring two of them until they are matched with a family. These faces and the waiting are drawing us closer to Haiti. And it helps make the one we wait for more real. It's also making me miss her/him a lot as the Christmas tree and stockings went up this week.

And just in case, I am still praying for a phone call before the end of year. Why would I make myself crazy, I know. It's ok to pray for miracles, right? Whether or not a call comes, there will be a stocking hanging on our mantel this year waiting for one of these.

If you're interested you can read a little about each of the children here. If you feel compelled, there is a need for sponsorship to care for these kids until they are matched with a family. And if you think you know which one, let us know!

The waiting

The waiting has become more difficult. Perhaps because knowledge of our next child feels more imminent. This isn't anxiety, wondering if it will ever happen. This is more a sense that it will, but we must plod, not run to it. I've opened my myself up emotionally, I can feel it. It's harder to plod when your heart is open. Be steady. Plod. Not exciting, but necessary.

Found this poem by accident and have read it many times over. It puts words to the longing. It's as if the author looked into me when penning these words.

Even it's cadence gives the feel of the tide; steady, monotonous, purposeful.

We keep moving toward you little one...

Waiting

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,

Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;

I rave no more ’gainst time or fate,

For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,

For what avails this eager pace?

I stand amid the eternal ways,

And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,

The friends I seek are seeking me;

No wind can drive my bark astray,

Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?

I wait with joy the coming years;

My heart shall reap where it hath sown,

And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw

The brook that springs in yonder height;

So flows the good with equal law

Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;

The tidal wave unto the sea;

Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,

Can keep my own away from me.

—John Burroughs

Dossier in Haiti

We received good news while traveling last week. Our caseworker received our dossier back from the Haiti consular office in the Washington DC last week Thursday. (My dad's 70th birthday.) She sent it off to IBESR in Haiti on the same day.

This means we are finally in Haiti -- via the dossier! It took about 2 weeks for the dossier to be translated, and another 2-3 weeks to be authenticated by the Haiti consulate in the US. There is no more US work to be done to prep our file to enter the process in country.

Once IBESR receives the dossier, they will notify the attorney who works with our creche, Rivers of Hope, and who is representing us in Haiti to pick up the paperwork and submit it to Foreign Affairs for legalization in Haiti. We have been told to expect about 3 weeks to complete legalization. 

Once legalized, the dossier will go back to IBESR. IBESR will review our paperwork and, if all goes well, approve our family to adopt a child from their country. 

There was more good news coming for other families adopting from Haiti last week. I am so happy that two families from our agency who have been waiting on IBESR for over a year finally received approval to proceed with adopting their children. They received referrals right before the laws were changed and have been waiting since.

One agency said it feels like there might finally be light at the end of a long tunnel called Haiti adoption reforms. For our family, we are in an interesting spot in that we are starting this process just at the time that the reforms are being finalized and implemented. Kind of like driving on a road that has just been repaved. So new I can smell the asphalt!

Four years ago today

This face for the first time.

I played this song:

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

September 22, 2013

I'm still playing the song.

Pardon the way that I stare
There's nothing else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like i feel

Please let me know that it's real

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

There he is. Our future. Our heart. Our son.

Happy Referralversary Bubba Joe!

Sent!

Dossier and home study are fully authenticated and were sent to AGCI today!

Everything but the psychological evaluations have been complete since July. I could almost hear them begging to be sent. However, the psych evals took 3 appointments with a counselor, 2 revisions, and 6 weeks to complete. Once complete, the homestudy had to be revised to include the psych evals. A little slowdown but it's still done by September. 

Documents are already with a translator, being translated to French. Our case worker is probably just as anxious as we are to get this dossier sent because she is working with a quota in Haiti. Each agency can submit just 1 dossier per month, or 12 dossiers per year. Each month offers an agency one opportunity to match a child with a family. With only 12 opportunities a year, you don't want to miss a single month. Fortunately, it looks like there are changes coming this fall that will make it possible for more families to adopt from Haiti, and hopefully fill up that quota.

Bear came with me to Madison yesterday to pick up the authenticated documents. He told his teachers that he was on an important mission and had to see the Secretary of State. Sure is fun to have him as my partner. I had a little scare at the Secretary of State's office. I thought I left the folder with extra copies of our home study in the restroom. The home study with every detail of our psycho/social/financial history. Was very relieved to find them in my backpack, aka "central storage" for all adoption related documents, when we got home.

Mission accomplished

A little piano break in the square before heading home

Feels great to have this dossier off and a little lighter backpack. A few more steps before it goes to Haiti.

Choosing a School

Next week Bear starts school! Seems like we've been talking about where to send him to school probably since the time he started walking. Back then, he was so little and school felt like a lifetime away. We knew we had to start thinking about it though, realizing it might take a while to find the right place. We realized fairly early on that our local public schools would probably not be able to provide him with the level of attention he needs, nor do they offer the diversity we desire. Our semi rural Midwest community is tolerant of diversity but it is still a long way from embracing it, and it is not diverse. As a mom of biracial girls recently put it to me, "We knew we had to do better."

Choosing a school feels like one of the most important decisions we are making for him. Launching him well now in the early years will impact how he feels about himself and school going forward. We see so much potential in this son of ours! We also see potential challenges. He's an incredibly bright, curious, and naturally athletic kid with an exuberant personality who has a passion for fun and more energy than a nuclear power plant. He also has a dominant, competitive side and likes to be in charge. In the right environment, these things are viewed as strengths and developed as such. In the wrong environment, he can be labeled as a troublemaker and the strengths become weaknesses. We've already seen both scenarios play out in different classrooms at daycare.

We aren't sure how he will do in a traditional school environment because of how busy and independent he is. His brain is as busy as his body, and while he moves a mile a minute he also takes in a lot of information. I often say a perfect school would be on wheels and it would drive beside him while he runs. He is going to need structure, discipline, and teachers who can keep him engaged. 

Dodd and I place a lot of emphasis on education. Our friends in college used to tease Dodd that he majored in knowledge. (He spent 7 years in undergrad, just taking as many classes as he could and loving every last unit. Friends have also pointed out that this is a little bit nerdy.) He's talked about homeschooling our kids from time to time so he can give them a proper classical education. We want Bear to have an academically excellent school. We also want a school that teaches values that align with our family's values. This is so important. He's going to experience different values in his walk through this world, but at this very young formative age, we want teachers and a school that will reinforce what we are working diligently to instill at home. 

So we've been looking and we think we've found a school that offers: 

• Diversity
• Academic excellence
• Christian values
• Emphasis on character
• A place where they "get" him

It's a private school and not one I would have considered on my own. I have my boss to to thank for pointing us to it. For the past six years he has shared stories as his daughter went through middle and high school at AB.  I was impressed with how much the teachers invested in her and how hard they worked to help each kid realize their unique gifts. When she graduated from high school and was accepted at Princeton last fall, he was the proudest dad I have ever seen. Shortly after that, he sat me down and said, "I really think you and Dodd should consider sending Bear to AB." I didn't think seriously about the school for Bear, making assumptions that it was too expensive, too rigid for a busy boy, and probably not diverse. He encouraged us to take a tour and reminded me of this, "What better thing can you spend your money on?"

So last winter we toured. When we walked into the kindergarten classroom I got goosebumps. There were more brown skinned kids in the class than peachy. Bear blended beautifully into the assortment of colors we saw, dark to light to in between. All the kids stood as we entered the room and happily greeted us. Then they went back to independently working on their own activities. The learning was interactive and was happening away from desks and tables. There were just 10 children in the class as that's the maximum class size. The teacher came to talk with Bear and was at once engaging. She got his mind going with just a couple sentences. Before the tour, we did not think of the school as religious, and it's not, but we learned that it operates from a strong core of Judeo Christian values. Being independent, it can celebrate things like Christmas pageants and teachers are free to share their faith.

Here's what clinched our decision. Over time, I talked with other teachers, parents, and students and was surprised at the theme that emerged. Love. I was not expecting to find love in a school. I thought we might find caring, but this is more than caring. The teachers and staff are passionate. They feel called to their profession and the school. They watch out for each kid long after the kids leave their classrooms. In return, the kids and the parents love their school. Older kids actually gush about how great it is. Teenagers who love their school? Really? It feels like a really healthy place for our Bear.

So our little one who is now four will begin school in just a few days! How did it come so fast? 4k makes school come sooner than I thought it would. He is excited. The whole family is excited. I will be a wreck on the first day of school, but that is a post still to come.

Anatomy of a Dossier

A four year old getting fingerprints must mean there's an adoption going on!

(He didn't need fingerprinting, but wanted to do his part after watching us. The nice lady at the fingerprint shop ran him through the scanner just for fun. And can you believe there are fingerprint shops now? We had FBI clearance back in email before we made it home. Much different than going to the county jail, mailing them off, then waiting for a month or more for clearance.)

The past month has been spent on the part of the adoption process often called the paper chase. I was not looking forward to doing this again. Kind of dreading it actually, because it's time consuming and can be frustrating, where something as simple as a typo can cause delays and heartburn. Assembling a home study and dossier requires a massive mobilization of personal, professional, and governmental contacts. Doctors, bankers, employers, family, friends, counselors, local law enforcement, US Immigration, the FBI.  In our two previous chases it took 4-6 months to get everything together and approved. This time, it appears to be going faster and smoother, but we have not sent anything off for approval yet.

Dossier: (pronounced "doss-ee-ay") An international adoption dossier is a packet of official documents required by the laws of the country where the parents plan to adopt.

Home study: A screening of the home and life of prospective adoptive parents prior to allowing an adoption to take place. Usually an extensive written report prepared by a licensed social worker.

People have asked about the differences between Ethiopian and Haitian adoption requirements. The Haiti dossier is basically the same as the Ethiopian dossier with two major differences. Difference #1- Haiti requires a psychological evaluation of each adoptive parent as well as a letter of recommendation from the psychologist. This has been the only delay this time. It took time to get in to see someone, and since the counselor has never performed an adoption assessment before, he's trying figure out how best to write it up. Difference #2 - Every document must be notarized AND authenticated in the state where it was notarized. The Ethiopian dossier only required one document to be authenticated.

Haiti Dossier Checklist
Passport Copy Adoptive Father
Passport Copy Adoptive Mother
Attestation that passport is a true copy Adoptive Father

Attestation that passport is a true copy Adoptive Mother
Letter to the Director of IBESR
Birth Certificate Adoptive Father
Birth Certificate Adoptive Mother
Marriage License
Power of Attorney
Medical Evaluation Adoptive Father
Medical Evaluation Adoptive Mother
Letter from Employer Adoptive Father
Letter from Employer Adoptive Mother
Bank Letter
Homestudy
Psychological Evaluation Adoptive Father
Psychological Evaluation Adoptive Mother
Letter from Psychologist
Criminal Background Check Adoptive Father
Criminal Background Check Adoptive Mother
Letter of Recommendation #1
Letter of Recommendation #2
Copy of Immigration Approval

The home study requirements were essentially the same, but because our home study was two years old, we had to update a handful of things. When our social worker came to the house, it felt like having an old friend over. We've gotten to know each other well in the past 5 years. Bear was excited to see her again because he knows the part she played in his coming home story. He knows she helped us find him, and now she's helping us find baby brother/baby sister. He cried as she left the house because he thought she was going to drive us (in the Subaru) to Haiti that day. 

Here is a picture of my mom in Sacramento, getting 3 California documents authenticated for us. She is holding my birth certificate, our marriage license, and a beautiful letter of recommendation from my sister. A letter that makes me cry each time I read it. Mom and Dad drove the documents to the California Secretary of State's office, had them authenticated, then personally delivered them to us when they came to visit.

I have so many people to thank for helping us once again, and moving so quickly on our behalf. We are just waiting for the psych evaluation to be written, then everything will go to Madison for authentication. The home study update was submitted to AGCI for approval last week. It's possible that everything could be ready as early as next week. Keep your fingers crossed. Time to get this bus (Subaru?) moving.