A little update

Four weeks ago....

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Bear had to start sleeping through the night in the crib without mom.

And he started daycare.

And he started wearing real clothes (shirt, pants, socks and even shoes) instead of jammies all day.

And 4 teeth stormed into his mouth all at once.

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And still he smiles.

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There have been lots of tears shed at daycare, and they haven't been all Bear's. That first day back to work I wasn't sure if I could leave him. But the teachers were fantastic and reminded me how close he is and told me to call 30 times a day if I need to.

The tears shed by Bear create a conflict of emotions. Though they shatter my heart when they come, they are evidence that he's attached to me, and that has been reassuring. I feel more confident in the strength of our little family unit now than I did 4 weeks ago. Of course there are moments of doubt too. They usually come when he doesn't cry as I leave. Which happens now about 50% of the time. Or when he feels distant. Thankfully, a good night's sleep usually bring us back to normal and I realize moods would happen with or without daycare.

All in all I would say the adjustment is going well. This doesn't mean it's all happy, but there seems to be a net positive effect for each member of our family. Being back at work, I feel more like myself which makes me a better mother and wife. Both of my boys benefit. Having less time together during the week forces me to be disciplined with our schedule, and more intentional when I am with Bear. He tells me when I am not fully present with him by being irritable and demanding. He rewards my attention with lots of big smiles, claps, and silly boy behavior.

There are little moments at work that remind me my life has changed. Walking into the bathroom and seeing milk stains on my shirt or snot on my slacks. Having a meeting and catching whiffs of sour baby on my sweater. Ah, makes me miss him. When I visit him during the day, he stops whatever he's doing, crawls over, waves his arms in the air and waits patiently to be picked up. Sure puts the trials of the workday into quick perspective.

I am learning that life is a continuous state of adjustment with a little one around. There is no end. Just as one thing stabilizes, something new comes along and everyone must adjust all over again. I'm sure we have many many cycles to go through. So far we are doing fine though.