Bear's Dada

Bear adores his Dada.

It's hard to describe the light that floods his eyes or how his little body bristles with delight when Dada comes home or calls from the road. Watching the two of them dance in the basement to The Police or any of Dada's other favorite 80's music cracks me up. The reckless squeals and belly laughs when they play hard together are some of the best poetry I've known in my life. Dada knows how to make his boy laugh.

Dodd has transitioned into fatherhood in a beautiful way. I knew he would be a good dad but I expected some degree of learning curve as we got used to the logistics of having a little person in the house. He didn't really get into the adoption paperwork process. He was somewhat uneffected by the paperwork milestones I was so excited about. He thought I was a little over the top with blog and listserv news. It concerned me a little that he wasn't more engaged though I knew he was committed to being a father. I also knew he started a new job in the middle of the process which was a distraction. He didn't really click in until we received Bear's referral. At that point Bear was real and Dodd was all in. Then Bear came home and before my eyes Dodd glided gracefully into fatherhood.

Though Bear has been pretty crazy about Dada from early on, their relationship solidified when I had to leave for a weekend last May. It was the first time I was away from Bear overnight since he came home on New Year's Day that year. My dear friend Julie was getting married in Washington DC and I was a bridesmaid. We couldn't travel as a family so I had to get on a plane and leave the boys behind. It was hard. I knew they would be ok but I couldn't help but worry a little. Dodd had never been completely on his own with Bear. Through my maternity leave and then when I returned to work I was the primary caregiver. Dodd had never had to get Bear ready AND himself ready all in the same morning. He had never had to drop him off and pick him up from school. He had never had to choose clothes and match socks, pack the diaper bag, bathe, feed, lotion, diaper, play, rock, comfort, etc. over multiple days. I figured when I returned home, at the least Dodd would be exhausted and want a break.

But he didn't. When I came home, the boys were just fine. It was obvious their connection deepened into something new and very special that weekend. And Dodd wanted more. He said to me a couple days later, "Beck, I love taking care of him." I must not have understood the intensity of his emotion because he stopped me, looked me squarely in the eye, and repeated, "Beck, I LOVE taking care of him,"

Perhaps what I find most beautiful about Dodd as Bear's father comes in the form of respect. Dodd treats his son with respect. He disciplines his son with respect. He plays with his son with respect. He talks to his son with respect. He talks about his son with respect. There is an element of honor in all of his interaction with his son, even when it's goofy talk, and even when he's frustrated. As a result, I think Bear feels deeply valued. The gentle, careful way his Dada treats him will help him understand his incredible worth as he grows up. This is a gift.

Happy Father's Day Dada. You are a good Dada. Mama and Bear love you.