Signs of life in Haiti

The snow is all but melted, the days are getting longer, and there is good news coming from Haiti.

3 AGCI families exited IBESR.

2 more Rivers of Hope families (not with AGCI) exited IBESR.

And a referral for an AGCI family that has known their kids for 3 years. They have waited a crazy long time. Finally, they are in Haiti now for two weeks loving all 3 kiddos! https://themcandrewsclan.wordpress.com

Keep the good news coming! Jeez, we have to be getting close, right? We know there is a family on "the list" ahead of us but don't know if this has any bearing on when referrals will be made or in what order. So we're just hanging on and cheering on these families!

Advice on waiting from a five year old

In the past couple weeks there have been some signs that I might be falling apart a little bit.

Pulled over for expired plates.
Discovered my driver's license also expired.
I had no proof of insurance for the officer. (Lucky I wasn't arrested.)
Bounced 2 checks last month. 
Bear's report card came home. He is doing great in school except….he was tardy 23 times the past term. Bad mom. 
To add insult to injury, a letter showed up at home a few days later telling me the importance of promptness. 
I was reprimanded and fined for being late to day care. 
The refrigerator isn't working. It's been that way for a month. So our food is in the garagerator. 
I am on a grocery shopping strike. Why grocery shop without a refrigerator?
Dinner has come from Taco Bell at least 2 nights a week. Bean burritos.

Thank goodness I have my son to keep me together.

While putting bean burritos on the dinner table I said to Bear, "I'm feeling tired of waiting for baby brother/baby sister to come."

Bear looked at me and said sternly, "Mom, never give up your dream. Baby brother/baby sister has to come. They are coming, I know it."

I told him that I know they are coming too, maybe it's just that I don't want to wait. 

And then the most profound words came from my son, "But Mom, life's not that way." 

ME: "Really. Can you tell me what is life like then Bear?"

"Mom, life's like tooths. You can't lose them all right away. You have to wait. Sometimes they take years, like 6 or 7 or 39 years. You can't one day lose a tooth, next day lose a tooth, next day lose another. You have to wait in between."

 And he kept going….

"Or like school. You want to "gradulate" highschool right away. But you can't be in kindergarten and then done."

Wow was I humbled.

A couple nights later, after an intensely frustrating day at work, I blew up at Bear after he spilled his milk at the dinner table. I felt bad for blowing up and apologized to him, as we both cleaned up. Then, I discovered something Dodd did the day before that I let upset me and I made a harsh comment, even though Dodd wasn't home. 

BEAR: "Mom, that's not appropriate. That's not something you should say to your father."

ME: "You're right Bub, but he's not my father."

BEAR: "Well, it's not something you should say to MY father."

ME: "You're right, you're right. I'm really frustrated and I'm taking it out on you guys. I'm sorry Bub."

BEAR: "Mom, you have to let it out."

I looked at him incredulously. My 5 year old was giving me advice I really needed. In that moment I felt like I could ask him anything and he would understand and guide me.

ME: "How do I do that Bub? How do I let it out?"

BEAR: "Simple. With love." 

And with that, he climbed out of his seat, came over and wrapped his warm little arms around me and gave me a kiss. 

BEAR: "Are you better mama? Is it out?"

I was sobbing now, holding my son for dear life. "Yes Bub, it's coming out in buckets."

BEAR: "Ok, that's good. Don't cry now. I don't like it when you cry."

ME: "Ok, thank you Bubba Joe."

Thank God for my Bear. What ever would I do without him. 

How long to sing this song

I've thought about updating this blog many times the last few months. Each time I think about writing, I struggle with what to say.  Delays and setbacks in Haiti. Silence. Ethiopia finally, definitively closed. We lost a child we fell in love with.

Holding pattern. Holding pattern. Holding pattern. Good news is coming some day. The "right now" however is monotonous.

Each day we plod along, I hear him ask:

Do you trust me?

Yes, Lord I do.

Do you trust me?

Yes, Lord I trust you. 

Do you love me?

I love you Lord.

Lately, I've heard a new question:

Why don't you talk to me?

I don't know why I am not talking to him. I can't find my words. I fear I am squandering this latest season of waiting. Daily I'm tempted to zone out, numb out, check out. I'm a little bit stuck.

I know this place. I know so well that a time of intense waiting is fertile ground. That something can flourish here that can't be produced in any other soil.

I don't want this detour to go wasted.

He wants me to cry out to him. Something about the crying out that lets him in to do his work. Why can't I cry out?

I am reading, hoping it will spark something in this soggy soil. I found my words in a book, The Land Between, Psalm 40 and in two U2 songs. Thanks Bono.

My prayer found in these songs.

Lord I am tired.

My spirit is tired and thin. 

Take this soul and make it sing.

I've been patient. Plodded and endured. I will need more patience and endurance. 

I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined and heard my cry.

I'm trying not to withdraw emotionally and silently slink into depression. 

Take this mouth, give it a kiss.

I am trying not to fall into a pattern of complaint. 

Take these hands, don't make a fist.

Help me find my words. Revive me in the monotony. 

I will sing a new song.

I grieve the loss of time. It hurts. Why do I doubt your timing in this gift of another child. 

Yahweh, Yahweh, always pain before a child is born.

You've proven before your promise is true. You've been good to me. 

He set my feet upon a rock, made my footsteps firm. Many will see, many will fear.

I have hope because you've given me hope.

Take this hope, teach me what to carry.

I choose joy, even with a breaking heart. 

Take this heart and let it break.

Let it break.

Yahweh, Yahweh, still I'm waiting for the dawn.

The sun is coming up on the ocean.

This love is like a drop in the ocean.

How long to sing this song.

How long to sing this song.

Five years ago today

We got started with this…..

And now we have this…..

                                       

Silly, squirmy, and bandaged (fell off his bike over the weekend) and life has never been sweeter. 

It's a beautiful day!

Happy Referralversary Bubba Joe. What would we do without you.

We love you about everything.

May June July update

So many people ask about what's going on in Haiti. "I thought you were supposed to get a fast referral in Haiti, with a long wait AFTER referral?" I know, I say. It used to be that way, but the process is changing. And so we are still waiting for a referral. But the changes are good.

Once Haiti gained Hague accreditation status on April 1, we watched with anticipation to see if IBESR would begin making matches again with regularity. In April, there was much excitement when AGCI received 2 matches from IBESR. Then another family in Canada not with AGCI but with Rivers of Hope also received a match. We were starting to get excited.

Our caseworker confirmed what I suspected, we are at or near the top of "the list." It's not too hard to figure out. There are just 12 families waiting. There isn't really a list. But it seems matches at Rivers of Hope are going out in roughly the same order that dossiers are submitted to IBESR. If you follow this, we are probably next in line. We were preparing to go into standby mode, with the possibility of travel to Haiti coming in the spring or early summer.

Then at the beginning of May, IBESR announced a procedural change. The legal relinquishment process for birth parents has historically occurred in Parquet (court) after a child has been matched with an adoptive family. Now IBESR is requiring this step to be complete before a match can be made. This is a good, positive change. It will protect all the stakeholders in the adoption process. It also has the potential to save several months of waiting after referral. Less waiting after referral would be fantastic, we'll take it. Unfortunately, the change in process has delayed new matches, official referrals, and bonding trips as IBESR gets this all figured out. We've heard they had to hire a judge and essentially set up a brand new children's court.

This was hard to hear when our hopes were high. Just a few days after we learned the news, we had the pleasure of having dinner with a handful of AGCI families in Chicago.  Because we were late to the dinner, we were also the last family to leave the restaurant. We wound up in a deep conversation with our agency director, Hollen, and development director, Frank, about everything under the sun related to helping vulnerable children. It was inspiring.

Hollen was excited about what a positive change in process this is for Haiti. I told her I couldn't agree more. And then I blurted out, BUT WE ARE AT THE TOP OF THE FREAKING LIST! She laughed and compassionately told me to hold on. 

She said the children at Rivers of Hope are AMAZING! Wait until you meet them. Rachel is AMAZING. What you are waiting for is GOOD. I promise you.

Of course we know this, but it felt good to hear her say it.

We will wait. We know what we are waiting for is totally worth it.

Little one, YOU are worth waiting for.

There are some indications that things are starting to move again. Fingers crossed!

How many fingerprints does it take...

We began the month of April with a 4th visit to the Milwaukee Department of Homeland Security, for a 4th biometric screening. Fingerprints. Sent to the FBI for immigration approval.  They need to make sure we have not committed any crimes since the last time we were fingerprinted...a year ago.

They can't just run prints through the database again. They have to take new prints.

These trips to Homeland Security are in addition to the 3 other times we've been fingerprinted, also for FBI background checks. Apparently they are run through different databases that don't talk to each other. 

So we have been fingerprinted at least 7 times for 3 adoptions. All for the FBI. All but 2 times involved a fee. 

The day before our biometric appointment, we received a letter from USCIS (Immigration) with a Request For Evidence. They were unable to process our I600A, Application for Advanced Processing of Orphan, because our 15 page home study did not include two words. Strange, we've used this home study for two other successful I600As. 

But alas, the two words were missing, so there was another call to the social worker, another update, another trip to the post office.

Ah the inefficiency. I blog about this for one reason. I want to remember this when we get stuck. 

We got stuck in Ethiopia bringing Bear home. Legal blip that seemed to make no sense. A letter needed at the court hearing was locked in a file cabinet at a government office and the only person with keys was away on vacation. 

I'm sure we will get stuck somewhere in the Haiti legal process. It seems like no one makes it through a Haitian adoption without unexplained delays or frustrating, even conflicting technicalities. With the new laws and procedural changes, there are going to be blips. Perhaps several. 

When the blips come, I want to remember that we can get stuck anywhere. Inefficiency and confusion can be a part of any legal process. Maybe this will help for perspective. Maybe it won't!

And now a little update. It looks like the match maker is back. More referrals from Rivers of Hope! Including the first family we know of like ours that was not pre-matched with a child. So happy for these kids and their future families. These families are now preparing to travel. Hoping for more good news on the horizon!

Adoption Update

Time for an overdue update. Here's where we're at. Nothing new for us personally. We're still operating on three "ings"; trusting, hoping, waiting.

        In Haiti we are waiting to be matched with one of the children living at Rivers of Hope.

        In Ethiopia we are still on the wait list somewhere in the teens.

Haiti Update

December seemed like a good month, things were moving. Our agency was the first to receive official matches under the new law. IBESR made a few more new matches for families with other agencies.  Both of the matched AGCI families were preparing to travel to Haiti in January for a socialization trip.  This 2 week socialization trip is a new requirement, designed for adoptive family to meet and bond with child. During the visit, a social worker from IBESR comes to observe how well everyone is attaching to one another and to assess the adoptive family's readiness and motivation to adopt.

In January, we heard that the "match maker" at IBESR quit. We have not heard of new matches since then and there is rumor that matches won't resume again until March. A few families have traveled for bonding trips, including one of the two families with our agency. As of today, we know of only one family (not with our agency) who has "passed" after socialization and moved on to the next step which is court. Since all of this is so new, lots of us are closely following each family's steps. So far, it's hard to find common threads in the experiences of these pioneer families.

Last week, some good news! The US State Department, USCIS, and the US Ambassador to Haiti conducted a conference call to inform stakeholders that Haiti will receive Hague accreditation on April 1. The simplest explanation of Hague is a set of standards designed to protect birth families, children, and adoptive families from fraud, corruption, and coercion. Hearing the US government praise the work Haiti has done and publicly state their support for the welfare of Haiti's children was encouraging.  This was welcomed news in light of a lot of bad press about international adoption lately.

We see new photos of the kids at Rivers of Hope every few days. We see them growing and changing. We find ourselves becoming attached to a couple of them. We are hoping March will be our month to find out WHO! I have my theories...

Ethiopia Update

Here, I am forced to talk about bad news. I'm sorry to report that a lot of bad press has involved Ethiopia. In December, just after Christmas, an Ethiopian official called for the immediate closure of international adoption from Ethiopia. Since then, there has not been a closure, but a lot of rumors are still circulating. Referrals are still few, especially for younger children.

In January, a US adoption agency working in Ethiopia was closed. This month the US Department of Justice announced that 4 employees of a different American agency were indicted for fraud. These stories are so frustrating knowing that the vast majority of adoptions are legitimate, and there are still children who need a family.

We knew when we signed up for Ethiopia 3 years ago that the worst case scenario, closure, was possible. What we didn't foresee was 3 years of extreme slowness and ambiguity. Many families in the Ethiopia program are struggling with tough decisions about what to do next, including us.

………………………….

Through all of this we have friends who are caught up in the very center of new laws in Haiti or pending changes in Ethiopia. We are celebrating with friends who have made it home with their children despite every conceivable obstacle thrown their way. And praying with friends who are still pushing their way through, still knocking down barriers. Ah this wild ride. With all that is swirling around us, we are trusting in the knowledge that we are right where God wants us. I can say that with confidence this time, because I've been there before, and He was faithful. We trust in His provision once again.