Happy Referralversary Bub!

Two years ago yesterday, Dodd and I learned of the 2 month old boy who was to be our son. It's the anniversary of Bear's referral. Dodd and I read him the story of The Call and our first Referralversary last night before bed. Referral day was one of the best days of our lives. Seeing that face for the first time brought more acute joy than we had ever experienced, many happy and sad tears, some fear, and a lot of wonderful. It was exhilarating.

After referral came endless hours spent studying his photos, wondering what he was like. 

This child,

THIS child,

is our child?

OUR child!

Who is he?

We had 2 pages of double spaced information and 49 photos to go on. Now two years later, here he is, consuming our attention, our energies, our days. Oh how I know this child! I thought it would be fun to compare what we were thinking 2 years ago to what we know now.

Ir was hard to tell how much stock to put in my observations from Bear's referral photos given the fact that they were just [somewhat fuzzy] photos and he was just 8 weeks old. The first thing I told my parents, 1) This child is smarter than us, and 2) We might be in trouble!

At 8 weeks, Bear stared directly at the camera in most of the photos. You could tell the person taking the photos was trying to move around to catch him from different angles. Those big brown eyes of his wouldn't let her out of his sight. There was a level of engagement in his gaze that was startling in a tiny baby. He also looked tough! Kind of snarly and street smart. He also looked active. Little legs and arms were in motion in many photos. It's kind of funny now how much those photos were able to tell us, and how much more that they didn't.

Active? Oh my gosh, yes! He lives large and moves fast. Most of my photos of Bear are a blur. It won't be long before he runs faster than me on legs a third the length. There is so much energy in this 30 pound being that he either charges up or exhausts those in his presence. He lives in a continual state of motion that starts the moment he opens his eyes in the morning. Let me say it again. He does...not...stop. Ever. We've run with him, sometimes for hours, to help him use up his energy. He has the body of an athlete. His thighs are incredible! Muscular and defined. I love those thighs. And they are ticklish. One squeeze and he's a gonner! Even as a small baby he had muscles. And he uses them! On me! He is very strong. Trying to contain his wiry little infant body gave me faint biceps for the first time in my life. He carried a 5 pound bag of potatoes through the house with one outstretched arm around 16 or 17  months. If he decides to do something, he can use shear body force to make it happen.

He is undeniably tough. He bonks his head with a thud and gets up again with hardly a cry. He was stung by a bee on his tender tummy a few weeks ago and cried for about 1 minute, then moved on. His pediatrician found a double ear infection at a checkup that I had no idea about because he never complained. He's lost fingernails and toenails without much notice. He is also a risk taker. The higher and faster it goes, the more he likes it. He is the first kid in the pool, the first to try the new food, new toy, new whatever. Snarly however, is what his face communicates when he is alone in an unfamiliar environment. I saw it when I put him on a choo choo train at a kid's Christmas party last year. Surrounded by hundreds of people, the train took him around the track and away from me. He used body language that said he was cool and had it all under control, but his face and his eyes were stone cold. To those who didn't know him he looked tough but I could tell he was scared. Fear is not a common emotion in Bear. He must have been scared when those referral photos were taken which is understandable considering the terribly confusing events unfolding in his life at that moment. Ah but that just breaks my heart.

He's smart. Hopefully you will cut us some slack. We are first time parents and we know we think everything he does is amazing. But there are times we are pretty dumbfounded by things he does or says. Time will tell if his smarts translate into the classroom but for now we see a lot of practical smarts in Bear. He is an observer. He is aware of everything going on around him and closely studies what we are doing. He only needs to see something done once to do it himself. He watched me put a tricycle together for his 2nd birthday. I ran into a parts issue and we had to put the trike on hold for about a month. When it was finally functional, he excitedly rode it around the house. That first ride stopped abruptly when he noticed a loose nut on the steering column. He remembered where the tools were stored, picked out a wrench, chose the exact wrench that fit the nut, and began wrenching like he had been doing it forever. A couple months ago he heard a train in the distance but couldn't see it from where he was standing. He asked "Up high?" realizing he would be able to see it if we walked further up the hill. He gets cause and effect. He likes to figure out how things work. He's also a talker! He's a good little communicator and chatty. I could go on but I won't because the examples will just sound like I am bragging, which I am (!), but are probably not interesting to anyone but us. But putting two and two together is one characteristic of his make up.


Some things the photos didn't show. He loves to work. This boy is task oriented. He is most content and focused when he has a job to do. His daycare teachers remark on what a good helper he is. It's been his job for the past 10 months to feed the cats when we come home in the evenings.  He opens the drawer, measures just the right amount of food, pours it in their bowl, calls them to dinner, then puts everything back in its place. He remembers to feed them even when I forget. It's interesting to see how his sense of responsibility sometimes translates into taking care of us. Since he was a baby he will offer me his food in a paternal sort of way and insist I eat it. If I visit at daycare while they're all sitting around the table, he will jump up and and bring me a chair. "Sit Mama!" I've never asked this of him and his daddy has never modeled it. Ha! If Dodd bumps into something he asks "'(o)Kay Dada?" He is calm but concerned when other kids lose something and makes it his mission to find and return what was lost. He likes order. He takes his shoes off and puts them side by side in the tray under the bench where they are supposed to go. He straightens books on the bookshelf. He puts his toys away after playing. Some of this comes from us, but most of it comes from him and the way he is wired.

After seeing Bear's referral photo, my boss made a comment I will never forget. "That child was born happy." When I asked why he thought that he replied, "You can see it in his eyes. He is clearly here to live life." Out of all the things that make Bear, Bear, perhaps what stands out most is his joy. Joy is "dästa" in Amharic. There is an indescribable pulsing, radiating life force in this child. He runs and dances, laughs and LIVES with gusto. It's contagious, which makes it just fun to be around him. (Most of the time!) Our Bear is life giving.

September 2009

September 2010

September 22, 2011

Bear, you are our gift. When I look into your eyes, I ask God why I deserve this...you. I don't.

Bereket.

Dästa.

əwädhäläw.

I love you.