Doing much better!

Hey, thank you blog friends and Mom for the encouragement and advice from the last post. Man, it helped to know I wasn't alone. We are doing a lot better. You guys were right, it was just a mood. It lasted a day and the next day he was himself.
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I've had some time to reflect on last Tueday. Here are some of my takeaways from meltdown day. Apologize for another list. Just a method that helps me organize my thoughts.

1. My frustration was irrational. But it was still frustrating!

When he was going on an on, I could feel myself getting mad. Anger is usually a response to being wronged in some way by someone or some thing. So being mad at him does not make a lot of sense. It's not like he was unhappy on purpose. I kept saying to myself, he's just a baby who's going through a lot. This isn't willful. This isn't personal. It's a byproduct of something going on in his brain, in his body, in his heart. The kicker was, I thought all these things but couldn't turn off the frustration! Which made me even more frustrated. This is something I am going to have to learn to deal with better. I think #4 below will help.

2. It's easy to personalize his discontent.
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I allowed the words in his report from Hannah's Hope to repeat in my head in an endless loop. "Happy baby, content most of the time." Focusing on, "Happy baby." "Happy baby." "Content." "Content." Which made me feel HORRIBLE that in 1 month's time I was unraveling all his happiness. I would also think to myself that his special mothers would know how to handle this better. When Dodd came home and found me in tears claiming that I was a bad mother, he was quick to snap me out of it. "Beck, it's just him. It's not you. He will have days. Have you given him any Children's Tylenol?" (No, I hadn't.) Glad I have that man.

3. Adoption bonding adds some pressure.

Being very focused on attachment and bonding with an adopted child can add some pressure. It's easy to second guess and fear a bad day is rooted in something deeper and more serious. It makes consoling him feel like the most important job in the world. If you can't console, it can feel like failure with dire consequences. I suppose we are going to get better at balance here as we continue to grow in understanding and trusting one another. I will get better at recognizing moods versus behaviors linked to other things. Theresa, I think you were right that he is feeling more comfortable with us and therefore more comfortable letting loose!
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4. It's so easy to get sucked in. Support is critical.

I was feeling pretty cooped up and isolated at the beginning of the week. Which made it easier for me to get stuck in the thought processes that led to #1 and #2. There were some things to do at work on Wednesday. Just spending a few hours taking care of things outside of the house and talking with coworkers helped me clear my head and feel like myself again. I can see how important it is to have a strong network of friends and family to get a grip.

5. His smiles keep me going.

I get a good hour or two of motivation from every smile he flashes at me. Which helps get through the fussy, crying, unhappy bouts. There were no smiles on Tuesday. I did not realize how dependent I am on that grin.

6. I picked up Hyland's teething tablets. Great recommendation!

I am happy to report that Bear seems to have forgiven me for less than patient, calm, loving mother behavior on Tuesday. Here are some pictures of him helping me do laundry this past week. Thank you again everyone. I really appreciate your support and practical wisdom.