Transitions

Transitions can be hard, especially when what you are leaving is good. The transition has been hard on Bear for several reasons. He's been through a change in time zone (9 hours), change in schedule, change in formula (read constipation), change in sights sounds and smells, change in caregivers. On top of that he's been sick with a lot of congestion. Add to that his new parents generally don't know what they're doing and the poor baby has a lot to deal with.

That first week in Addis was a little rough for mom and dad too. Trying to parent a child you just met from a hotel room in a country you do not know is challenging. At least 4 times I forgot we couldn't drink water from the faucet and started to make a bottle or brush my teeth. Everything was new to us. From the bottles we brought that were still in their packages, to remembering to turn on a boiler for hot water. (Thank goodness we had hot water!) When he was distraught in the middle of the night, we did our best from our 12 x 12 room.

I will not easily forget the first night with Bear on gotcha day. He had been so happy through the entire meeting, fell asleep in my arms on the walk back to the hotel, and then fell asleep easily once at the hotel. But about 3 hours into it he woke up and did not know where he was. He was so scared. Our little observer looked all over the hotel with sheer panic in his eyes. Kept looking in all directions. Screamed. For hours. It was heartbreaking. We soothed as best we could, but that night nothing was going to do unless it was a special mother and he was at Hannah's Hope. That night was tough. He eventually fell asleep, but I don't know if we slept at all. The next few nights were also tough. We eventually figured out the feeding, burping, changing, playing, sleeping routine that worked. We also figured out how he liked to be held. Those first few days, he would only sleep if one of us was carrying him. We couldn't just hold him and sit or lay on the bed. We had to be standing. We were already sleep poor ourselves and our arms and backs were aching. There were times I thought one of us might fall asleep walking with him in our arms.

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On the 3rd day we found out by accident that Bear loves Ethiopian dancing. It was nighttime and I was giving Dodd a break. I took Bear downstairs to the hotel dining room where the staff had Ethiopian TV on while they cleaned up. He was mezmerized by the dancing and the music. The hotel receptionist suggested I try turning the TV on for him in our room. Why didn't I think of that? That was just the comforting distraction he needed. Having the TV on calmed him and engaged him. One night at 2am Dodd even attempted Ethiopian dancing in our room to calm him. Bear thought it was pretty funny. For the rest of our time in Addis, we left the TV on 24/7. One channel is all we got. So we saw A LOT of Ethiopian television.

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I was relieved to hear some of the seasoned parents in our travel group say that gotcha week was hard. A couple said harder than any of their childbirths. Thank goodness for our travel group. The shared stories, wisdom, concern and sleep deprivation was life giving that week!

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The first few days at home were a blur of sleeping, some eating, changing diapers and sleeping. We lost track of day and night. His needs pretty much dictated our schedule. After 2 or 3 days of that it was time to get on a schedule. The attempt at a schedule seems to be helping but we are still transitioning him from Ethiopian time to Central time. The first week home he went between extreme emotions of happy and sad. Like he wasn't sure what he wanted or what he felt. It's encouraging to see his anxiety ease each day and see him enjoying himself and being the happy little boy that he is. His cold is getting better too.

This boy has been clearly loved and has learned how to love. We are grateful for this. Like on our knees grateful. I cannot say enough about how well cared for he was at Hannah's Hope, and how loved he was by the special mothers. The difficult times I've described are mostly related to sleep. During awake times, he is so much fun. Happy and tuned into everything around him. And so affectionate. He could not have learned this from anyone but his special mothers.

Just so you don't think the transition has been a total drag, I will conclude with some photos of Bear test driving all his new gear. The hard stuff is balanced by lots of giggles, smiles, and sometimes screams of delight. He makes it worth the hard stuff.